Let me preface this by saying… I love Tinder. I love online dating in general, but of the dating apps Tinder is by far my favorite. I have many long lasting relationships because of Tinder. Epic fail stories, and really great friends. I have gone on more Tinder dates, then dates from casually meeting people in real life. I am now married, because as I was going to sign up for the Facebook dating app I found my now husbands profile in the “people you may know” section on Facebook. We had gone to high school together, although we didn’t know each other then. I also have a few friends that are now married to people they met on bumble and Tinder. So let me be the first to tell you that ANYTHING is possible with online dating.
Now I realize that marriage may not be the goal for joining Tinder. It is a great way to casually dip your toes in the water after a divorce, or honestly if you are just bored.
Both of those were my situation when I set out on my last Tinder mission. I had just left my son’s father after a close to 7 year relationship, was a single mom of a 1 year old little boy. And because my ex was a pathological narcissist I didn’t really have any friends. Living back in my mothers house was driving me crazy. I had a part time job and was a full time college student with a sporadic schedule. Thankfully my mother agreed to watch my kiddo after 8pm any night. Children are easy to watch when they are sleeping but still, this gave me time and freedom to do all the things.
Having grown up as a millennial I was not a stranger to online dating. Once when Plenty of Fish had first launched, I was around 19, I went on a different date every night for 30 days. Too bad blogging wasn’t as accessible back then. It would have made a great story. But it gave me the confidence to go online feeling safe meeting people.
As a side note, if you are nervous meeting people online it is a great idea to give a friend of yours their information. When I used Tinder on vacation in Las Vegas, and sometimes at home I would have the guy send me a picture of his ID and I would send it to a friend of mine, as well as where we were meeting, what time, and a projected time of return so she could check on me. Never do something that you are not comfortable with. But if you want to start the online dating adventure, having someone know exactly where you are and who you are with is very important.
Step 1: What are you looking for?
This is probably the most important step, because it will define the content on your profile. So what do you want? An exclusive covid bang? An extra man in the rotation? Someone to snuggle and watch movies with? Someone with whom you can have valuable conversations? Dates that could lead to more? Monogamy? Marriage? What is your goal here on tinder? This is going to heavily outline the things I tell you to put into your profile. And the most fun thing, is that no matter what your goals are you could get completely crushed, or be pleasantly surprised. Thats the game. As long as you know that it can be a lot of fun.
Step 2: Choose your photos.
Choosing photos is definitely the next most important step… Let’s face facts, men are visual creatures. But as I said, what you are looking for dictates what you put into your content. If you are looking for something on the casual side, I would put up some very sexy photos… Maybe not directly lingerie, you want to leave something to be desired. This is key, because desire implies its something you do not already have. SO you want to post pictures of yourself that make you feel confident and sexy. Because the way you perceive yourself is how the right person will perceive you. I was always looking for something in between random hook ups and actually dating, so I put a combination of pictures in which I feel sexy and those in which I feel fun, mixed in with some of my son and I. Because I wanted to project the fact that I have a sense of adventure. Its also important to have photos that aren’t just selfies… Selfies are ok, but you need some full body pics in there as well. I also have a photo of myself covered in fake blood, its like my disclaimer that I am super weird. I also always choose the “smart photo” option, this tests all your photos for the best results and will most often show the photo with the best rating. I also max out the number of photos that I can post. As I mentioned before men are visual creatures, there is a high likelihood that they will only look at your pictures and swipe based on how those pictures speak to them.
Step 3: About Me!
This is the section where you outline your goals from step 1… Honestly I changed my about me every 2 weeks or with the evolution of my goals. The last one I used was a list of Nos. As stated above, the likelihood that a dude looks at your about me before he swipes are slim. However, he will probably look here for a good way to introduce himself in a way that will get your attention. Girls looking for something casual, depending on the level of casual a list of personal rules, or boundaries are all thats needed in this section to get your point across. Girls looking for things more involved, being just slightly vulnerable… No I don’t like that… Self aware is much better. Like “hey, I hate choosing where to go for dinner, but I will gladly tell you if the restaurant you picked is wrong. Don’t @ me”. This is a fact about 90% of girls that annoys TF out of guys. But admitting it in a funny way is quirky and appealing. I usually admit in my bio that I am not “normal” or I refer to myself as “crazy” but not in a negative self talk sort of way. In a way that is meant to ward off the faint of heart. And I think a very big detail in this is DON’T LIE!!! If you are looking for someone to spend serious time with don’t say that you are outdoorsy if you don’t like hiking and camping… If you like staying home and binge watching Netflix with your partner then say that! If sex isn’t the most important thing to you, guess what?!! Some men are demi-sexual too! If you need someone that plans everything so you don’t have to then say it! It’s 2021 ladies… it’s time for emotional transparency. And if you are self aware of what you want, you will find men that are also. Crazy right? If you lie, and play stupid games? Then you will attract Fuck Boys.
Step 4: The Job Title
This can be a tricky one. If you have a bomb ass job and you are proud of it then go for it sister. You’ll need a dude that is comfortable with a powerful women. If you are not so proud of your job? then this is not a requirement for your profile. Dudes can be insecure, so if they know you are a professional ball buster they can sometimes have a hard time seeing the softer side of you. However, if they are a well paid professional they also don’t want to feel as if they are being taken for a ride. I have a friend that is a Pharmacist, and he leaves his job off his profile. But when his job is on his profile he gets way more matches… So, try it both ways, see how your odds are. but also, just because his job isn’t listed doesn’t mean he is a deadbeat. keep that in mind!
Step 5: Other Miscellaneous Information…
Passions is something new, but I highly recommend giving it a try. Because this is honestly Tinder trying to help people match better. Schooling, if you aren’t going to put your job title I would at least put in your level of schooling. From personal experience I cant have a connection with someone that isn’t on my intellectual level, so if I don’t see some kind of advanced degree I often skip over them… It’s harsh but I know myself and my standards. Your city is helpful to find people close to you… I always list my age, because I think that is a silly thing to hide, and if I had a great connection with someone then found out he was the same age as my brother, it might weird me out. As I said before. TOTAL TRANSPARENCY IS KEY!
Step 6: Have FUN
And thats an order!! Lets face it, no matter what you are looking for on Tinder, if you aren’t enjoying yourself then it just isn’t worth it. Go on dates, laugh, be vulnerable, get your heart broken, meet cool people… As a friendly hint, if a guy instantly asks you for your snapchat you will likely never meet in person… I’m not sure why… but I have like 30 snapchat friends from Tinder that I’ve never met. But they are great late night drunk conversations. All relationships have their purpose. I will soon be posting a fun post about increasing your likelihood of finding what you want on Tinder so keep your eyes open! Leave me comments, share Tinder stories with me. My social Media dm’s are always open and I would love to hear from you… Thanks!!