I think it is important to talk about mental health. Especially for someone like me! Because I spend all my time talking about positivity and smiling and trying to give people a way to see the silver lining it is usually hard to imagine myself as being “troubled” in any way. When in fact it is quite the opposite.
Depression
I struggled with depression through much of my teenage years. Smoking marijuana and drinking at age thirteen. That was also the first time I attempted to take my life. Not in the best way, taking a handful of Tylenol pm and hoping to not wake up in the morning. All it did was give me a massive tummy ache and spent the night awake vomiting. There was a lot of self medicating, mostly with alcohol, sometimes marijuana. As i turned 18 the ways I was medicating started getting more intense. Soon becoming pain killers and ecstasy accompanied by alcohol. The final push into depression was being on birth control and my hormones being wildly out of control. I constantly found myself angry at inanimate objects, yelling and grinding my teeth losing my patience. Again at 19 I found myself trying to end my life, but a friend was able to pull me out of my mindset. That day I changed the way I viewed the world. Decided to be in control of my own fate and to not let fear or my own emotions rule my life. I do realize this is a harder thing to reach for most people. It was kinda like I woke up.
Anxiety
While I haven’t suffered from depression since I was 19 (this was also about the time my drug usage slowed and was limited). I do still have anxiety that runs out of control sometimes. It usually starts innocently with a thought about something that is concerning me, that thought leads to a worse thought and my mind starts spinning out of control, I call it spiraling down because I can literally feel my energy being in my upper seals down to my gut. There are tears and usually some hyperventilating, which I have no choice but to talk myself out of because it usually occurs when I am driving, and I don’t want to get in an accident. There are things I do trying to keep my anxiety at bay, taking gaba, taking quite time by myself (usually in the shower with the lights off and candles) and
SELF CARE
Everyone needs to do things that make them happy. I have so many self care rituals, several things that I can turn to depending on the mood I am in. Crochet when I’m lazy and in bed, hula hooping for when I need to let out some energy, skating once a week because it’s happy family time, gardening, walking, music, blogging (cough cough), and my instagram profile, because when I feel like I am helping others nothing really makes me happier. But you can’t pour water from an empty cup and you should always make sure your own cup is full before helping anyone else.
Lyfe of Laci 