I said in my last post about school that I would talk about some gender bias I have experienced. I will try to not let this post get too lengthy but it’s something I’m pretty passionate about so get ready. 😉
Let me start by saying it’s 2018. Gender bias should not be something that we still actively experience. My mother was the first person in my life to push gender bias on me. And probably why I fight so hard to break “normal girl” stereotypes.
1. Mother
My mother means well. She only ever wants what is best for me and can only teach me what she knows. Girls should be thin and beautiful to please men. Because life is so hard when you are not beautiful. She was an ugly duckling so she never wanted me to go through what she did in school. But yo prevent this she has always been hard on me about my weight. It fluctuates between 120-130. Regularly. And when it gets to about 125 she starts pointing it out. Fine whatever, it only happens when I am starting to let my diet slip and not eating as healthy as I should be. I’m allergic to dairy and let’s face it all the good treats have milk. I like sweets, but I like feeling good more. However sometimes it those cravings are too much to bear and I will eat chocolate and cupcakes and put on an extra couple pounds and be bloated for days. So she will remind me.
She also brought me up constantly telling me that my man is the king of the house and women live to serve them and make them happy. Gag me with a spoon. However, this mindset plus her driving me to stay thin and beautiful helped me learn how to work this system, getting things done on my car, getting free things, all by playing this part she forced me into. While never planning to fulfill the role full time.
Finally, the views on sex. I know everyone has heard it “they aren’t going to buy the cow if you give away the milk for free” if you haven’t it’s about sex. Why would a man marry you if you are easy basically. To which I wanted to say “who wants them to buy the cow? I’m the one that wants free milk.” Which was really hard for my mother. I never wanted to get married or have children I just wanted my career and good sex. Obviously I have a child now that I would not trade for the world. You can call me a bad mom for admitting I didn’t want kids and that I was manipulated into my role as a mother and now while I’m in school full time it’s like he spends more time with his grand parents than me. But I am working to make his life better and make sure he grows into a better person than his father. But anyway, I still don’t feel like the conventional family is what I am destined for. And being a mother does not mean that I don’t like sex. And you should never let ANYONE tell you how you feel or let them and their social norms rule your life. Be you and be not afraid. I’m going to use this moment to tell you about my long essay “Memoirs of a Dirty Slut” on amazon which covers this thought more thoroughly.
2. The college Guidance Counselor
This is probably the worst that I experienced. When I was 23, 2 years before I returned to school I went into the community college to talk to a councilor about the career path I wanted to take. Molecular Biology, I wanted to attend the university of Colorado at Boulder after completing my 2 years at Red Rocks community college. I was behind in math, but everything else was college level and ready. And this old man looked at me, looked at my placement scores, and told me I was 2 semesters behind in math. And that I should rethink my career because “a career is science is really hard and I wouldn’t be able to get a job that I wanted”. Completely discouraged I didn’t enroll in school. I wish I had because by now I would be in my graduate classes. But that’s not the direction my life took. So for 2 more years I felt not quite good enough to go to school. I knew I was smart enough but if there was no encouragement how was I ever going to make it? Later I found out that a colleague of mine faced a similar or with one of her teachers who told her science would be too hard for her and that she could never get good enough grades to succeed. They very carefully do not say that the problem is our gender but I have never encountered a man in my field with a similar story. It finally took seeing someone decide at the age of 45 to go into medical school to be a doctor, made me believe it was not too late for me.
3. The Ex
This is probably the worst one and I won’t go into great detail because I am writing a book about my experience with him. But he was only ever content when I was a housewife. If I tried to get a job that took away from my taking care of him it was sabotaged. I “couldn’t make enough money anyway” and I was made to quit. Forced to find ways to make money from home. Which are helping me greatly now in college but at the time it was insulting. And when I started school and needed to do homework he would whine and complain that I didn’t love him anymore. Because he was threatened that someday I would make more money than him and that I wouldn’t let him control me. Obviously I learned that before graduation and it was over. This was the worst because it carried on for 6 years. 6 years I was under this gendered oppression. And I’m here to tell you it was not right.
I hope you enjoyed this short little segment. Have a great day!
Lyfe of Laci 